Throwback Thursday: The Assistant

I have to admit, I don’t watch much ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ but when the newest season premiered on Monday, I thought I’d give it a shot.  After all, I do like Sean Lowe.  When the cast was announced at the start of the episode, I saw that THE Andy Dick was a part of the cast!  I automatically had flashbacks to one of my FAVORITE reality shows EVER, which promptly led to me deciding “This NEEDS to be TBT’ed!”  (Side note:  I can’t remember if this was the exact thought, but it seemed more dramatic this way.)  So, I’m now bringing you a Throwback Thursday post about ‘The Assistant” which was (without a doubt) the best reality show to ever come from MTV. (Another side note:  Thinking about it, I watched this show at age 12.  If you watch this show, I'm not quite sure how I was ever allowed to watch this show at age 12, but I am so glad I did!)

Andy handing out roses at the Bachelor
themed elimination.

First off, if you haven’t seen this BRILLIANT piece of television, I actually DEMAND you to watch the whole season HERE before reading any further.  (Note: C’mon.  It’s only eight 20-minute episodes.  You were even spared of the commercials!)  I actually spent one night this week rewatching the show to be better prepared for this post, so, it’s possible.

If you are still not yet convinced enough to give the show your time and effort, this clip of highlights might just do the job:

Next, since I’m assuming that you ignored my demand and video, you may have some questions about this show.  So, I’m taking on the job of reading your mind and answering these questions.  (Hopefully my answers will inspire you to go HERE and watch the show.)

How did The Assistant work?

(parody of The Apprentice)

This show took place back in 2004 at the height of the reality television era.  Comedian Andy Dick decided that he wanted his own reality show, so he decided to go on the hunt for an assistant.  Hence: The Assistant.  (The name of the show.  Are you even paying attention?)  So, twelve kids (or more accurately, peppy college-aged adults) who wanted to break into the business of Hollywood were brought to Andy Dick’s mansion to compete for the title of The Assistant.   The winner of this show got some pretty lame prizes, but maybe that’s just #HannahFromTheFuture talking.  The prize of the show was a new cell phone package, a new wardrobe from American Eagle Outfitters, some car, and an entry level job at MTV.  These contestants had to perform some of the dumbest tasks ever and if they failed, they were “SNIP SNIP SNIP …CLIPPED!”  (If you ignored my demand, then I bet you didn’t find this funny.)

Who Wants to be Andy's Assistant?
(parody of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?)

Why was The Assistant so amazing?

What made this show so great was not the competition.  It was actually the fact that this show was basically 100% satirical.  This show basically made fun of the majority of the reality shows that were around at the time.  And to expand further on that, Andy Dick is why this show was so great.  I know that most people find him to be a hit or a miss/ aka they either love him or hate him.  But I honestly don’t see how anyone could dislike him on The Assistant.  He made fun of how overly dramatic and set-up reality shows could be.  Each episode’s elimination parodied another reality show, which is, at least in my opinion, every reality show fanatic’s dream scenario.

Andy's Assistant
(parody of American Idol)

(Note:  While the show itself was meant to be a joke, the contestants were actually real and competing to win.  These people all DID want to be in the business of Hollywood.)

What were some amazing moments from The Assistant?

I was afraid you’d never ask!  First, the contestants stayed at Andy’s house, but they had to sleep on cots in his garage.  They were awoken every morning with a red-flashing siren where they would have to race up to Andy’s room in the house to receive their task for the day. 

America's Next Top Assistant?
(parody of America's Next Top Model)

Andy was having a terrible day.  The contestants were told it was Andy’s birthday that day and were given the task of throwing him a surprise birthday party.  Each contestant, or pair of contestants, was given a special task in order to make the party possible.  So, the one contestant completed her task of getting Andy to the party (after convincing him that he should come out of his room and that he always looked wonderful) and people were asking birthday-related questions and Andy shouted “IT’S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!!” It actually turned out that it wasn’t his birthday.  The butler, who gave the task, had misheard Andy and had thought it was his birthday that day, when it was actually another Andy’s birthday. 

Contestant Stefani looked suspiciously
like Christina Aguilera

Then, on one episode, Andy was sick.  “COLIN!  BARF BUCKET!”  He gave the remaining contestants different tasks that he would have otherwise had to do on his own.  These tasks included getting him one of those stars on the Walk of Fame, breaking up with his clingy girlfriend, and pretending to be him for an interview amongst other things.

Once Dave Navarro came over to the house for a day, and when he left, he gave the final three contestants some presents, including his guitars that he had with him.  Andy Dick was OUTRAGED by this, which led to the hilarious moment of him smashing one of the guitars.

(Fun Fact:  Andy Dick actually ended up dating one of the contestants, Sarah.  Sadly, this relationship did not last.  I also believe that when the relationship ended, some sort of lawsuit happened regarding prohibited relationships with contestants.  Sad.) 

What reality television shows did The Assistant make reference to?

(parody of Fear Factor)

It just so happens that I have made a list!  The Assistant made reference to, in order:  The Bachelor, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, The Littlest Groom, America’s Next Top Model, Survivor, The Apprentice, Meet My Folks (Side note: This was a momentous flashback!  I had almost forgotten about that one!), The Celebrity Mole, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, American Idol, Fear Factor, and Flavor of Love.

Did the contestants go on to be successful in Hollywood?

Melissa Ordway won the title of The Assistant, and also the
title of being the most successful contestant post-show.

Actually, one did!  Melissa Ordway still has some mild success.  She has been in movies such as 17 Again, The Last Song, and Ted.  She has been on shows such as How I Met Your Mother, Privileged, Hollywood Heights, Entourage, and The Young and Restless.  She is also, on some level, friends with Miley Cyrus.  Melissa even married Justin Gaston, which if you remember, first became popular for dating Miley!

I don’t actually know if others from the show have gone on to have much success.  I will say though that Mykell from the show went on to have some success in the dancing world and his Youtube channel has over 100,000 views.

A list of the contestants on Twitter:

(parody of Meet My Folks)

Melissa Ordway: @MelissaOrdway
Stefani Fischer, aka Christina Aguilera, aka I think this is her: @Lady_Luck13
(If this is not her, then she was obviously an undercover Christina.)

Anna Enger: @AnnEnger

Colin Blake, 99.9% sure this is him: @colinbsonnier

Mykell Wilson: @saekell

Nikeda Stanback: @Polearina84

..and of course, Andy Dick: @andydick

Obviously I couldn’t find them all, which was somewhat depressing, but something cool happened when I followed the ones I could find (so that I didn’t forget them by the time that I wrote this post.)

Lastly, amazing quotes from the show included:

"Thank God they got hot chicks on my show." –Andy 

"Tanika comes bounding out of the limosine like a cheerleader on crack cocaine with a whole package of firecrackers up her cranny."  -Andy 

"Is this what the whole show is going to be like because I thought this was going to be fun..."  -Andy 

“I'd really like to eliminate everybody right now, but then I wouldn't have a show."  -Andy 

Andy snuffing out one of the contestants
during his parody of Survivor.

“You LOSE!” –Andy, channeling his inner Willy Wonka 

“Are you the Celebrity Mole?” -Andy 

"This reality show is ruining MY LIFE!!" -Andy

Well, that wraps up this TBT!  Until next week... (or the next week after that...)